The (50% off) Descent

12 Jan

Well, it finally happened.

I resisted as long as I could.

I told myself I didn’t need them.

That I was just fine without them.

My life was complete.

I’m so ashamed.

That’s right, I’ve become…

A couponer.

Just now, I started a Google search for pictures of crazy couponers, and I lost 20 minutes while looking for cheddar cheese coupons (that stuff’s expensive, you know).  Earlier today, I spend 45 minutes trying to get around another website’s print limit when my printer decided to eat the page mid-print.  (It turns out Coupons.com is surprisingly easy to beat, but that’s beside the point here).

The point is I’m sitting at my desk with a stack of papers and a grocery list, ready to do battle with Wal-Mart over retail prices on gluten-free spaghetti.  I tell myself that it’s because gluten-free foods run $2-3 more than their gluten-containing counterparts, and I’m just ensuring my dietary needs don’t run me into the poorhouse.  But that’s just the surface reason.

What I’m pretty sure has happened here is that my need to save money hasn’t evaporated along with my student loans.  The debt is gone but the penny-saving mentality remains.  Now it has gotten me lost in the land of anti-retail, searching for that elusive unicorn of coupons: the buy one, get one free.

BOGO sign

Sshh, don’t make a sound. You’ll startle it away.

So far, I’ve managed to stay to the light side- only using coupons on items (and quantities) I already plan to purchase, not trying to sneak expired or illegally doubled coupons by the cashier, and keeping my total number of coupons to under 7.  I fear the day may come when I let the sales dictate what I’m eating that week.  From there, it’s only a short slide until I find myself in a dark pantry surrounded by 1500 packs of paper towels, 16000 rolls of toilet paper, 3 camping stoves, and 17 gallons of ranch dressing, defying the government to come take my preciouses away.  (Someone promise me you’ll do an intervention before I reach that point.  Like, maybe after the second camping stove purchase.)

Until I reach that point of no return, I’ve got errands to run.  I found this great coupon for air fresheners that stacks with a coupon for ranch dres…. I mean, I’ve got 50 cents off Glutino-brand cereal.  Yes, that’s the coupon I meant.

Anyone have a good couponing story they’d like to share to make me laugh/feel better about my new habit/warn me off the path of addiction?  Leave me a comment and let me know!

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