How Debt Is Kind Of Like A Zombie Apocalypse

29 Oct

It was a weekend of unrelated activities for me.  I got home from my grandmother’s house on Saturday afternoon, went to a Haunted House on Saturday night that was put on by the local fire department & could give professional Haunted Houses a run for their money, watched fairy tales and zombies yesterday, and went back to work today.

Actually, now that I write it out like that, I do see a common thread of zombie.  Except for my grandmother- she’s not a zombie.  (She’d be an excellent zombie-slayer, however, but that’s another blog post.)  But otherwise- zombies at a Haunted House, zombies on the TV, zombies at work (I assume because it’s Monday. Working from home makes it difficult to judge my coworkers’ state of alertness), I think I even discussed zombies at church, which isn’t as weird as it sounds, considering The Walking Dead crew rented our building several times while filming over the summer.

This building…
won’t ever be seen on the show. The zombies just ate lunch here. Like, salads and stuff- not brains. Brains would have stained the carpet.

I really like zombies.  I don’t know if it’s the public health student in me who loves the idea of a good epidemic, the writer in me who admires the versatility of the concept (28 Days Later super-fast zombies, Resident Evil 6 zombies that can shoot you back, The Walking Dead zombies that seem to make nice pets, etc), or the reader in me who adores snarky-yet-insightful books such as Zombies: Where To Find Them and How To Avoid Them and The Zombie Survival Guide.  (Both of these books are shelved with my other how-to books, because when the hordes of the undead descend, I don’t want to be trying to remember who wrote them and which shelf I’ve put them on.  It’ll be grab and go.)

Whatever the case, you’ve got to love an enemy that not only can’t be stopped by death, but actually gets far more terrifying after it dies.  It requires a whole new level of survival strategy, far beyond the lazy-man’s-way of point and shoot.  With zombies, you’re not just running from a tangible enemy, you’re running from a disease.  You may outrun a shambling reanimated corpse, but those airborne germs are a lot harder to avoid.

Lysol is missing out on the college-student demographic by not marketing their products as zombie-proof.

Luckily, the CDC says that the chances of a true zombie apocalypse within the next ten years are essentially zero.  But you know what is a lot like a zombie plague in the real world right now?

Debt.

Think about it for a moment.  I’ve even made you a handy comparison table.

 

Zombie Plague

Debt

Able to drastically alter your lifestyle

Able to seize your possessions

 √

Makes you willing to sacrifice your neighbor to escape

Makes you disconnect the phone and seal the windows

Makes it hard to eat

Results in shambling shells of former people

Separates the adults from the children (figuratively, but literally in extreme cases)

Can follow you even after death

 √

(not legally, but I’m pretty sure debt collectors are simply high-functioning zombies)

space

So, by slashing down my student loan debt, I’m essentially training for a true zombie apocalypse.

That’s preparation at its best.  Also, I’m going to start putting “zombie apocalypse training” in the memo line of my checks to my student loan company.  I wonder if that’s tax-deductible…

While I’m off to research tax loopholes, you can take solace in the fact that if the zombies really do arrive, the debt collection agencies are going to be the first to fall.  Even zombies hate those guys.

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42 Responses to “How Debt Is Kind Of Like A Zombie Apocalypse”

  1. Things You Realize After You Get Married October 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

    Haha! :D Love the comparison between debt and zombies—the similarities are astonishing!! Although I like zombies (only the kinds you see on TV of course!), I do not like debt! And since almost everyone I know has debt, I guess we are prepared for a zombie apocolypse. ;) Congrats on being FP!

  2. raw milk marathon October 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    Great post! And such a worthwhile blog, I respect your efforts immensely :)

    • Losing My Cents October 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm #

      Thank you! I’ve heard from a lot of people over the last 10 months that struggle with student loans. It’s really helped me see that we’re not alone. :)

  3. vyvacious October 30, 2012 at 2:28 pm #

    Haha, that post cracked me up! I hear ya! Paying back my loans is definitely dragging me down! I too shall be ready for a zombie apocalypse!! But maybe I should also invest a little time at the shooting range too…

    • Losing My Cents October 31, 2012 at 12:37 am #

      Better safe than sorry. Also, you could always use a loan statement for target practice…

      • vyvacious October 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

        Ooh I like that idea! :P

  4. rebecca2000 October 30, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

    haha well you know, you make great points. Congratulations on being freshly pressed.

    x,
    Becca

    • Losing My Cents October 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

      Thank you! These are the kind of things you think about while serving lunch to a horde of zombies. :)

      • rebecca2000 October 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

        LOL Right. I figured out today’s post about Slutty Snow White when looking for a costume and having no modest choices.

  5. mikafry October 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    Just yesterday there was an article in our local paper (The Vancouver Sun) offering safety tips on how to survive a zombie invasion. The article interviewed a University of Ottawa math prof named Robert Smith? (he legally added a question mark to his name) who’s published a theoeritcal model for a zombie virus. While zombies are clearly in our societal conscious at the moment, I had no idea people are taking this zombie thing quite so seriously. Seriously fascinating! :)

    • Losing My Cents October 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

      I think that zombies become more popular the more people perceive society to be in decline. But yes, there’s always room for a good zombie scientific report. I interned at the CDC as a grad student (since my grad school was literally across the street from their campus in Atlanta) & my classmates and I worked on the Zombie Preparedness Task Force. It was really a general disaster-preparedness campaign, but the zombie theme made it really fun.

  6. prettifulpink October 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm #

    This made my day :D

  7. angrymiddleagewoman October 30, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    I LOVE the name of your blog. Awesome concept and fantastic writing. I was very entertained. And you are so close to your goal! A few years ago my husband and I (mostly the I since I handle the bills) went on a quest to be debt free beyond home and car. Now it’s just the home and only a few years left on it. It’s incredibly liberating! :)

    • Losing My Cents October 31, 2012 at 12:33 am #

      Congrats! It is such a huge thing when something new gets paid off, isn’t it? Such a relief and a sense of accomplishment.

  8. robertsitalia October 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

    Pretty good! If anything getting rid of that debt will definitely free you up and relieve the stress! (Thank you now that every time someone mentions debt I will be thinking zombies)

    • Losing My Cents October 31, 2012 at 12:34 am #

      Imagine how much more interesting the Presidential debates would have been if they had been arguing over “student zombie reform.”

  9. segmation October 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

    How do you know your grandmother is not a zombie? It is Halloween time right?

  10. Tar-Buns @ Here and ThereSat October 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    Debt is a terrible thing. Clear it up as best you can, although, student loan interest is deductible on the Federal Tax return. A percentage, that is…
    Congrats on being FPd! Enjoy the ride :)

    • Losing My Cents October 31, 2012 at 12:36 am #

      Oh don’t worry- after I finish the undergrad loans, I have plenty of grad student loans to repay. I’ll be using that tax deduction for many, many years.

  11. geraldrice October 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm #

    Reblogged this on razorlinepress.

  12. Jeremy Truitt October 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm #

    This is freaking great! I will be re-blogging this one for sure. Please check me out! http://bit.ly/S4a6ID

  13. Kim-Lee P. October 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

    I love this! Never thought of a connection like that before.

  14. cptnemo7029 October 30, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

    Reblogged this on End Times and commented:
    The truth about college loans.. great blog

  15. Nadia October 31, 2012 at 2:17 am #

    This was my reaction reading the comparison table ‘ahahahah this is so true!!’. I mean, you show us a rough reality by making it fun! Congrats :)

  16. jayjaydimagiba11 October 31, 2012 at 3:55 am #

    Nice read. I loved it.

  17. jensine October 31, 2012 at 8:03 am #

    and you cut back on luxury items e.g.: washing

    • Losing My Cents October 31, 2012 at 10:00 am #

      Excellent point. The Walking Dead certainly shows us that is true.

      • jensine October 31, 2012 at 1:42 pm #

        yes … glad it wasn’t a film with smell

  18. Karl Maier October 31, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    Great way to make a serious point with the help of some humor!

  19. jumeirajames October 31, 2012 at 8:56 am #

    Being in debt is like being ill every day.

  20. TheWordpressGhost October 31, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    I love your entire theme. Debt is a beast, and while I think it is more alive than dead, it does have a lot in common with Zombies.

    But, you forgot other similarities ….

    ghost.

  21. TheWordpressGhost October 31, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    Reblogged this on thewordpressghost and commented:
    Friends and enemies,

    You need to read this blog. It has a great theme.

    And it is about Zombies and debt.

    And how do the two intertwine you ask?

    Well, read the blog.
    ;)

    But, there are some striking similarities between the debt and Zombie issue we should point out.

    They are both recent enemies. In the past, Zombies were good horror stories to read. And debt? It was something you used in moderation like a pain pill.

    Now, both are consuming every thing around them.

    Why?

    Hollywood progressives are taking over the world.

    So, they use fear to accomplish their goals. Fear of the debt collector, fear of grandma becoming a Zombie and YOU WOULD shoot grandma to save your self, right?

    They are both loved by politicians.

    They both remind me why I hate politicians.

    Help me out?

    What else do they have in common?

    ghost.

  22. leemajors October 31, 2012 at 10:24 am #

    This is very clever :-) I enjoyed this ..

  23. sportsandthecross October 31, 2012 at 10:34 am #

    Wonderful comparison! haha congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I enjoyed this post a lot!

  24. Fane October 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    What a well thought out blog, and reading this on Halloween only makes it more special.

  25. sholashade October 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    This is brilliant!

  26. midneve November 1, 2012 at 2:28 am #

    Nice Spin! Too much debt will make anyone a walking dead. :)

  27. bighos12 November 2, 2012 at 11:50 pm #

    This is great!!! Nice comparison!

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